PUFFY

today was long whew. 7am arrive, 9:15pm depart. i have to write it out because otherwise i'm in denial about how much i'm at work sometimes. no, i don't get paid overtime.

there is no bigger challenge for me in the quest for fit than what these long days do to my brain. my fit brain checks out during the afternoon, snacked up carb brain enthusiastically steps in the fill the role for the next several hours.

i get tired and sleepy and worn out-- so i snack at my desk to keep myself happy and alert. its dumb. the highs and lows of this cycle continue for a few hours. stupid. i know i do it and i thought that as soon as i figured out why i was doing it, the snacking would stop. but no, i snack and snack. and snack. bleah. substitute snacks are not helping the problem. my brain rationalizes each delightful simple carb snack very carefully. until the third or fourth snack and then its all out the window. and then puffy has won the battle. dang.

yesterday was ~1700 calories but today was an absolute blowout, something like 2200-2300. i'm very puffed up right now from all the carbs. if i had any food in my apartment at ALL i'd go eat some of it because, eh who cares.

i can't let puffy win. can't do it. i must make real progress this year. must have a better battle plan for these types of days. something is driving me to periodically sabotage my efforts. this is obvious to me. but what? hmmmmmm

there must be some part of me that does not want to succeed? and that part won today. dangit!