Poignant Irrelevance

Monday, January 30, 2006

out-loud wonderings

you know what? relationships are kind of scary sometimes. i'm not sure scary is the right word but i can't think of another one right now. usually in the past i always come up with some reason about why it isn't working or why i don't think it will work at some point in the future. (or i got rejected when i thought it was working).

but when you get into one that is maybe working and you don't let yourself hold back, well its kind of scary for me sometimes. meaning you lay yourself out there all the time and you know they are doing the same and it all fits together. i don't know what i'm saying. maybe its a guy thing, i don't know.

its like we created this entity, the two of us. first it was just me, i don't concern myself with anyone but me. easy. i've been me all my life, i know how i work and stuff. my deep thoughts, my highs and lows, they are all just for me. i'm kind of a private person so i really only let out the deepest thoughts, wonderings, goals, fears, desires, highs, lows, once in a while to those friends and family closest to me.

but then you have this other person who you suddenly find yourself doing all that with and before you know it its like, weird. hehe. i sound like an idiot. its also totally freaking me out that someone else is figuring me out. i mean, she is really close to figuring me all out so thats totally freaking me out (sort of). its as though 2 months ago we are just going out on dates and having fun, and then one day out of nowhere she has me all figured out! how'd she do that!? but then i also think about well what about this and this and that, maybe we aren't such a good pairing eh? but then i can't tell if that is the old me trying to push away something that is good or if it is really something i should think about. oh well, more on these types of things later i suppose.

in other news i made out a plan of attack for the 10k today. i will be initially following a 10-MILE plan, so as to build up well beyond the 6.2. if things go well i'll just keep going higher and the 10k will just be like a training run in the midst of longer runs.

10 Comments:

  • I have this 3-month freak-out thing that happens. It's like the making or breaking point for relationships for me. The weird part is I don't even plan it...it's just out-of-the-blue when I start 2nd guessing the relationship and then it dawns on me, "Oh, it's been 3 months!! No wonder!" I've always been the dumper...not sure if it's better that way or not.

    By Blogger lainb, at 11:05 PM  

  • I think that on some level you keep on figuring each other out every day ... if she's not running away as she's figuring you out, that's a great sign!

    I'm looking forward to reading about your training!

    By Anonymous beverly, at 12:39 AM  

  • The figuring out thing is a good thing. So is talking about all those deep thoughts.

    By Blogger susie, at 3:41 AM  

  • In any relationship, it's not the destination that matters, it's the journey. (stolen, overused quote, but I like it) Don't think/worry/dwell on the future, just enjoy the moments and let the rest unfold as it will.

    By Blogger Shawn, at 10:19 AM  

  • Oh, I love the rush of the freak-out! Sounds like things are just starting to get really good! BTW, do I really have to wait until 30 before guys (er, men) are OK with the freak-out? (Sigh....)

    By Blogger Nic, at 11:46 AM  

  • Relationships are hard?? Holy cow, why didn't you warn me before I got involved in this mess!

    Heh. I've been married so long I can hardly remember the beginning of a relationship. But I'll say this: don't worry too much about the ways you don't fit well unless they're super-crucial things. Because the longer you're together, the more new things you build in common - some of those other issues might seem insignificant in a year or two.

    By Blogger M@rla, at 2:36 PM  

  • I'm with Shawn - it's all about the journey, so just relax and enjoy yourself. Try not to think too much about where you're going because, well, you can't predict or control that anyway, so just let it unfold. :-)

    By Blogger Denise, at 2:44 PM  

  • lol Brent. Relationships can be a rollercoaster, so sit back and enjoy the ride. Just remember to scream when it gets really scary...lol

    By Blogger Dawn - Pink Chick, at 6:43 PM  

  • ok, i have a dating question. you are the perfect person for it. :) can you e-mail me or post a comment on my blog with your e-mail? i lost your e-mail address..

    By Anonymous Audrey, at 9:59 PM  

  • Figuring each other is a great thing. One day you may look back and you won't even remember life before her, and smile because that is SUCH a good thing.

    By Blogger Rae, at 10:41 AM  

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