nature of the beast

thanks for the cold weather running tips. i will thank everybody individually some time this week. for now, thank you everbody. it was pretty interesting; seems like each person has their unique take on the subject which was cool (pun?). i'll be honest, i'm almost more confused now than i was before i asked the question. ha ha. it will take some more studying of your answers before i head out the door to make a purchase or two, but i'm looking forward to my new venture into the land of freezing-cold-running-outside fun. i noticed not one person mentioned the wind pants idea! note to self, cold weather runners do not wear wind pants! that would have been a rookie move. on the other hand, you will never see me running in any kind of "tights", ever. hehe :) maybe i will wear the tights and then the wind pants over them, a compromise if you will. heh. we'll see. i'll let you know what i decide to buy.

i do look at my medal and study it closely most days (if not every day). i day dream about the run. i grin my big cheesy grin several times a week and i am happy.

and i have tried so hard to keep it down but briefly, ever so briefly, i have fleeting moments of remembering my final collapse during the last hour+. i think that is the nature of the beast. you run 4:00...so you dream about a 3-something. you run a 5:00...you wonder what it might take to run a 4-something. heck, you run a 4:57 and you wonder what it would be like to run a 4:56!

and you collapse into a dreary sweat-filled hour of walk/run torture during the 3 hours 30 minutes mark onward to the 4:57 mark only to re-live it for weeks aftewards. what did i do? did i not push myself enough? could i have gone faster? did i quit too early? was i slacker in my training program? did i skip too many cross training sessions? again, the nature of the beast. this bastard marathon beast that has me silently planning and imagining my next training strategy months from now. you bastard marathon you. i'm coming for you again, you better be ready for me.
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my big plan "this winter" was to cut weight. thats not specific enough! it was a good idea while it lasted. too broad. too general. too easy to cheat, too easy to start anew "tomorrow". not that i have been in some momentus collapse (you know, like last part of my marathon), but i have not been training or eating like a person who's main goal is to cut weight.

today i found a half-marathon that takes place in february with about 1,000 runners. i will probably do that. i have printed off some half schedules and looked them over a bit. i need something to keep me very focused. it is also difficult for me during certain times of the year because work gets nuts and then i get think about how i can't keep up with anything during that time. now is one of those times. it gets me down a bit, but it also re-ignites my fire and my focus. keep the eye on the prize man, eye on the prize. keep thinking of your goals. do what you need to do every day. live with failures, live for success. every day provides so many opportunities for succes, crossing new bridges, facing new challenges head on.

ps. the disaster was more of a disaster because i think she is in love with me and wants to get married. hehe! can't get enough of the b-man! ha ha ha. seriously though she's on me like glue and its freaks me out too much. girls that are totally chill and mysterious, that drives me crazy (as in i think about them and want to call them). i know you guys like the gossip so chew on that! :)