self doubt...lingering, smoldering

can't sleep. have some things turning in my mind. non-bloggable. one of them is bloggable though so i'm spitting it out and then getting some sleep.

a big part of making progress in weightloss and/or training is the mental aspect of believing... believing i can do it. not just hearing other people tell you, you can do it, but really deep down in your core you have to believe you can do it. not just a couple times a day when you give yourself a pep talk, but all day all night all the time. must believe you can do it down to your very core. i struggle with this for some unknown reason. i am almost there, so close. one day last week i almost thought i could do this. i almost believe i can do it. people say hey, you can do it, you are doing it blah blah but really to me myself and i, something is still back there saying well...maybe this maybe that, maybe blah blah. hate that voice back there. i'm getting older, metabolism slower, will never be able to workout as much as i did in college ever, i won't get near that weight again. get out of there you pesky negative voice you. i'm not even going to end this by saying i can do it because its all talk right now. maybe it takes me months to really believe i can do it, maybe...maybe i don't know what. i'm not saying i can't do it, but really i'm not totally there yet. it is possible to continue making progress without really believing...i know because i have done this. but true break-throughs, life changing moments, these come when my core me believes i can do IT. i am working toward(s) that. this is all a journey and while i'm not sure if i believe right now at this current moment, i know that i am working on getting there. and i just re-read this post and it doesn't make sense but i know what i am trying to say so its all good. g'night.